Jess' nightmare
by abbmcg
Summary: Jess is in trouble. He think that to come back in Stars Hollow was the worst thing which could happen but he doesn't know that his nightmare just begin. M for language and for the futur chapters. Happens during the 4th saison, when Jess recovers his car.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Not my show, not my characters, making no money, ...

**Notes:** Well i'm french and this is my first English story so I'm sorry for the spelling^^ If it's too bad, please tell me!

And the "M" is for the language and for the mention of a rape (and for the angst). Please, if you're not okay with that, then leave now.

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Great!

Goddamn stupid fucking car!!

He managed to recover it back, and then, he was arrested for theft. He stole his own car! Bullshit!

Thank you Luke! Really, thank you!! He were coming back in this dump. This fucking dead-and-alive hole.

Well... Actually, he wouldn't be so sad -Whatever he said- if everybody wasn't so pissed off with him.

Oh, he deserved it, he knew that.

He fucked up is own life, right?

He ditched his studies, he walked out on Rory, he went with his father. His fucking father. Total looser... Like him...

God, he was so fucked up...

And now, he was there, like a shit, in this stupid car. And god, he was so cold. How could he even try to sleep when everybody was in his bed, hot, dreaming, and...

Jess stopped thinking for a while. He heard something. Something like... Voices. Who could be outside when it was like 3 am?

He tried to look outside but the frost against the windows prevented him to see anything.

He still hearded the voices, so he decided to open the door.

There, a few meters from his car, was a black pickup. He moved award and he saw three young people smoking something. Probably not some cigarettes. There were some beers, too.

Jess sighed. Three idiots smoking the pot. Total assholes.

One of the three young people turned round and saw him.

-Hey guys! He exclaimed. An intruder! Look!

The two others saw him too. Jess sighed. He was in no mood for dealing with them.

But something was wrong with their voices...

Their faces...

His suspicions had been confirmed when the guys came forward.

-What the fuck!! Look at this! It's Jess!

-Jess Mariano? This freaking asshole? Huhu!! I think we're gonna stay around here tonight!

Jess freezed.

**Flashback**

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Five years ago.

Jess went down the stairs.

He wanted to bye a new book. His mom didn't understand why we was reading all the time. Actually, nobody did.

I'm a fucking freak for everybody... He thought.

At the entry of the building, there were three boys. Jess recognized them. He sighed.

The biggest, blond, was called Mark. The second, with brown hair, almost as big as Mark, was Jason. The third, the smallest, dark-haired, was Cody.

Te three boys were older than Jess, and they thought he was a freak. Anyway. Jess was going to ignore them.

He walked and when he passed in front of them, he didn't look at them.

But he heard what hey said.

-God man! This "woman" is a bitch!!

-No way!

-I promise! She asked me to sleep with her. She's old and desperate. Liz Mariano is so a whore!

Jess freezed. They were talking about his mom like that! God, he had to stop them!

He looked at them and he shouted:

-Shut your mouthes, you jerks!

-Hey! Mariano! What's up?!! Said mark.

-Stop talking about my mom like that!!

-But we're just telling the truth, kiddo.

-Shut your mouth!! My mom isn't a whore!!!!Stop telling that!

-Well... I'm sorry boy, said Jason. I already said to everybody that i slept with youre mom, yesterday...

-What?!!

Jess tried to kick them, but they were too fast and in the sec, he was on the ground.

-Too weak, kiddo.

And, then, they leaved.

-------

The next day, Jess was coming home when he saw the three boys hurting a kid. They were hitting him against the wall.

Then, Jess had an idea. He could take revenge. He called the policemen and he told them that three boys were hurting a fourth bo and smoking the pot inside his building.

The three guys had been caught and they had been sent in a center for delinquents by their parents.

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Jess had not heard about them during three years but two years ago, he had seen them in NYC. They recognized him and they tried to catch him, in vain.

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Jess was in the shit. He knew that.

-Tell him how much he's gonna suffer, guys!! Exclaimed Cody.

"What? You're too stupid to tell me that yourself? snnigered Jess.

He was still laughing but he knew he was in trouble. Mark and Jason were much larger than him and Cody was as big as him.

They got close to him and he moved back again.

-Look, he's afraid!

-He's so cute like that!

Cute? Cute? Jess moved back a little more but Mark was too fast. In no time, He was behind him, his arm around Jess' neck.

-Let me go! Let me go!

-He's sweet when he's screaming! Said Jason.

-What do you want?!!

-Just to charge you for what you did!

And then, Jason opened the door of the pickup and Marc pushed Jess on the back seat.

-Let's get some fun, guys...

to be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Not my show, not my characters, making no money, ...

**Notes:** Okay, I'm so sorry it took me so long to udapte this story!!! I had my exams and i was really busy :$

So, i'm still french and I'm still sorry for the spelling.

So if it's too bad, please tell me!

the "M" thing is for the language and for the mention of a rape (and for the angst). Please, if you're not okay with that, then leave now.

And thanks for the reviews^^

so, here's chapter two.

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The pain. The fear, the shame. The pain. The incomprehension, the dark. The pain.

A noise. A voice.

-Oh my god!

A female voice. A presence. A body. Arms, catching him. But... No. Not again. He didn't want to be touched again. He didn't want to be hurt again. Not again, please. Don't...

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-Hi... Luke.

-Lorelai! A cup of coffee, I guess ...

-No, no. I told you, I can lick the table.

-Ha ... ha.

Lorelai Gilmore sat at the counter. Usually, she sat at a table, but then, she had to talk to his friend.

Luke was serving the coffee to her when she decided to start the topic.

-You know, she said, yesterday, we were going to home with Rory, walking onto the street, when we saw a car. A car very, very ... familiar....

And I was wondering if...

-It's jess's. He's there. Well, he's not _there_, in the diner, but his there, somewhere, in the town.

-Yeah, but the question is: why? What is he doing there, Luke? You know what he did to Rory...

Luke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

-It's because of Liz. She told him that I was hidding the car, then, the car disappeared, I called the cops, and they brought me this wonderful gift: Jess and his car, which, apparently, is broken.

-Okay, so, he should leave soon, right? Lorelai asked, hopeful.

-I suppose. Luke said, raising his shoulders.

Lorelai finished his coffee in silence, then she leaved.

-Okay, so, bye Luke! I've got to go to work.

-Sure, bye.

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Luke had spent a horrible night, so he was relieved when the oldest Gilmore leaved.

He had left his nephew sleeping in his car, saying he didn't care. But gradually, he had felt guilty. The night was cold and Jess could die frozen.

Then, he had decided to leave, so Jess could sleep in his apartment. However, he had not found Jess. His nephew had left his car.

Luke had thought that the boy was gone somewhere, maybe smoking on the bridge, or somewhere else.

Luke had decided that he didn't care. If the boy wanted to freeze to death, it wasn't his problem anymore.

But he had felt his heart wringing, when he had opened the dinner the next morning, finding the car empty again.

Maybe his nephew had found a decent place to sleep, like a hotel. Nevertheless Luke was anxious. After all, Jess was still his nephew.

When Lorelai had talked about Jess, Luke had not known whether to scream, cry or be normal. He had chosen the third option.

-Luke!

-Huh? What? What do you want, Cesar?

-Nothing. It's just ... Luke, are you okay? You looks anxious...

_Oh, really? _

-It's okay. I was just... toughtful...

He was getting a grip on hiself when the phone rung. He took the call.

-Luke! Oh my god, Luke!

-Lorelai? What the hell do you want? I'm working and ...

-Luke! It's Jess!

His heart missed a beat.

-Where are you?

-Somewhere. Near the bridge, with all the trees. And Jess ...

But Luke had already hung up.

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Lorelai was angry. Jess was here. This shitting little punk was here. She sighed. She had no time to worry about him. She was late and Michel would be loathsome.

Lorelai got over the bridge. Se was still grumbling when she saw something, away from the road, on the ground, next to the bushes. She moved forward and she was afraid to recognize this something, or rather, this someone. Because it was a person.

She started to run and she knew that her suspicions were right when she squated down next to the person. It was Jess. Except he looked like anything but Jess.

His right cheek and his jaw were covered with bruises, his nose was bleeding and his lip was split.

-Oh my god!

she kneeled down next to him and she felt bile rising in her throat when she saw that his pants were not buttoned.

Jess moved a little and she tried to reassure him by taking him in her arms. She wraped her arms behind his back, but he began to fidget, moaning like an hurt animal.

-No ... Don't ...

-Shh, Jess. It's okay now. Shh.

She could only notice that the skin of Jess' wrists was bleeding but she decided to not focuse on this because she knew that if she focused on a detail, she would lose herself.

Keeping Jess against her with her left hand, she pulled out her phone with the other one and her first reflex was to call Luke.

-Luke! Oh my god, Luke!

-Lorelai? What the hell do you want? I'm working and ...

-Luke! It's Jess!

-Where are you?

-Somewhere. Near the bridge, with all the trees. And Jess ...

But Luke had already hung up.

Then, she called an ambulance.

When she finished, she noticed that Jess was trying to open his eyes, making a couple of frustrated noises.

-Shh, Jess, it'll be okay. Your uncle is coming, an ambulance is coming, it'll be okay.

Realizing that Jess had not his coat anymore, she squeezed him up more against her and she rubbed circles on his back.

That was crazy. She was reassuring the boy she hated like an hour ago.

-L ... Lorelai?

Lorelai broke away from Jess and she saw that the boy had opened his eyes and was staring her. The pain she saw in his eyes terrified her but she got a grip on herself.

Jess began to shake violently. Lorelai brought him back against her and she heard the muffled sobs.

Jess does not cry. Ever. But there, he was. He was crying and he looked tiny, and it broked her heart.

Damnit, how could something like that had happened?

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Okay, i know it's pretty short but the next chapter is coming soon^^


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the show, I do not own the characters, I do not get any money, ...

**Notes:** Allright, I lied and I'm sorry. I said that this chapter would be coming soon and I never took the time to do it, I have no excuse. This time I really promise the next chapter is coming soon ^_^ No, really, like before wednesday. Promise =)

apart from that, i'm still french (yeah, i wish i wasn't but hey, I have no choice ^^) so I'm sorry for the spelling.

the "M" thing is for the language and for the mention of a rape (and for the angst).

Oh, one last thing: I don't really know anything about medical stuff so I'm sorry if there are some incoherences n_n.

Here's chapter three

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For Luke, everything seemed vague and fuzzy before he arrived hospital. He remembered the ambulance, he remembered Lorelai saying that she'd go to the hospital with her car, he remembered feeling the bile rising in his throat when he saw his nephew and he remembered holding Jess' hand in the ambulance.

That was all. And now he was there, seating on an uncomfortable chair in the hospital corridor, waiting for some news about his nephew, trying to think about anything but what happened to Jess. He didn't want to think about that. But he couldn't think about anything else. And everytime he tried to not think about what was happening, he had the impression that his brain was going to explose. He jumped when he felt a hand resting on his shoulder. He raised his head and he saw the anxious face of Lorelai. She smiled gently and she sat next to him. They didn't know what to say, so they kept silent, and that was okay.

After a few minutes, Lorelai began to talk.

-He's gonna be okay, Luke. You'll see, he's gonna be okay. She said comforting.

Luke couldn't talk, so he just acquiesced.

After a little while, Luke finally felt able to talk.

-You know what happened the last time I spoke to him? He asked bitterly.

-What?

Luke looked her in the eye during a moment, then he looked down, staring at the floor.

- We had an argument. Again. And... I said that I didn't want him to stay with me for the night. If I had not said that, he wouldn't be there right now...

-Aw, Luke...

-I told him all this crap, and I didn't even mean it, and ...

-Luke! Stop blaming yourself! What is done is done. More, you didn't do anything!

-But if I had told him to stay with me ...

-He wouldn't have accept. With his stupid pride, he would probably have stayed in his car.

-Yeah?

- Yeah.

What Lorelai said reassured him a bit. He didn't know if she was telling the truth or not but he hoped that she was...

After an hour, Lorelai had drunk three coffees. Luke hadn't even reprimanded her. He was too worried about Jess.

Finally, a nurse came to them.

-Mr Mariano?

-Yeah! Hu... no. Luke Danes, Jess' uncle.

-Please, come with me.

Luke had a quick look at Lorelai who nodded to tell him to go. He got up and he followed the nurse.

-How is Jess? Luke asked as they started to walk.

-physically, he's going to pull trough. He has three cracked ribs, some bruises, but that's okay. He also has a slight cerebral concussion, but nothing really serious. The blood flow in his hands has been affected by something, we're pretty sure it was a rope, and he has wrist wounds, but again, he'll be okay. Now, I know it's difficult to hear that but there are things really more serious. Your nephew wants to lodge a complaint for... for rape. He agreed to do the rape kit...

At this moment, Luke thought seriously about running away from this hospital, from everything. Before this, he had known that the possibility that his nephew had not been abused was slight, but there was still a the last moment he had hoped... Now... Now, nothing could have been worse. He had stopped walking and the nurse was waiting patiently. Luke took a decision. He'd be strong, he would not run away, he wouldn't break down. Jess needed him. He took a deep breath.

-So... Can I see him?

-Well, he's awake and he's conscious, so yes, you can see him. I have to inform you that he almost doesn't speak at all and he's shaken up by what happened. So don't rush him. Oh, and he suffers from trembling, because of the stress, so w're gonna give him some medicines.

_Well, he never speaks a lot so that won't make a big difference_, thought Luke to himself.

Finally, they arrived in front of a room. Room 203 .

- Here we are, the nurse said. Mr Danes, one last thing.

-Yes?

-Your nephew doesn't want to see a psychologist. I know it's none of my buisness, but you should talk to him. Most people thinks that psychologists will not help them, but this is wrong, believe me. So if you see a possibility to change his mind ...

-I'll try, Luke replied without much conviction.

To encourage Jess to see a psychologist boiled down to ask to Taylor to dress up like David Bowie.

-Well, if you need anything, call Marie. That's me.

-Thank you Marie.

Marie went away, leaving Luke alone in front of the bedroom door. He took a deep breath and knocked gently to announce his presence before opening the door. Then, he entered in the room.

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Yeah I know, still very short, right? :s

Ah, I don't know why, but I never can do longers chapters...


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the show, I do not own the characters, I do not get any money, ...

**Notes:** Hey, I didn't lie this time =)

i'm still french and I'm sorry for the spelling.

the "M" thing is for the language and for the mention of a rape (and for the angst).

Here's chapter four:

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When Luke opened the door, he made a big effort to not express the horror he felt. Jess looked so bad... The boy was very pale, he had big dark circles under his eyes, a large bruise covered his right cheek, another one covered a part of his nose, his left jaw looked painful too and his lower lip was split. Jess was sitting on the bed, a sheet around his legs, his back resting against the wall, his arms crossed on his chest and his knees bent against his forearms. His head was turned toward the window, his eyes staring into space. Jess looked so tired. Luke could see Jess shaking.

Luke stayed still for a while, then he sat down on a chair suitated beside the bed. Jess didn't even seem to noticed him. He was still staring the window. Luke felt increasingly uncomfortable. Should he speak? Should he remain silent? He picked the first option.

-Hey, Jess. Jess ... Talk to me.

Jess' eyes didn't even move.  
Then, Luke put a hand on his shoulder. Jess jumped violently and Luke withdrew his hand as if he had been burned. He realized that Jess was finally staring him. What he saw in his eyes made him shivering. Despite the efforts of Jess to hide his feelings, Luke could see a whirlwind of emotion raging in his eyes. He could see the fear, the sadness, the disgust. The resignation too. As if Jess had given up trying to fight... to live... Jess looked down. It seemed he didn't want to talk. Luke wouldn't force him. He would just stay near his nephew to show him he was there. After a few minutes Jess finally decided to say something. But the words he said wasn't those Luke expected.

- You don't have to stay, you know? His voice was hoarse and faint.

Luke's eyes blinked several times.  
-What do you mean, I don't have to stay? He asked.  
-Well... You know... that thing about family, about always being there when ... When something happens to somebody ... That's bullshit. You can leave.  
Luke opened and closed his mouth several times. Jess couldn't believe that Luke was there because he felt obliged to. After all this crap, he couldn't believe that Luke was going to leave like that. That was crazy  
-Jess, I won't ...  
-Stop, Luke. I know that you would give anything to be anywhere else. You ... You hate hospitals. And ... It's me. After what I did, I can't blame you to want to leave so... That's okay. You can leave.

Jess was right. Luke would have given anything to be anywhere else. But it was not for the reasons Jess had mentioned. No, Luke would have given anything to be anywhere else because being there reminded him what just happened. He really wanted to be with Jess because his nephew needed him. That was all.  
It was as if Jess was resigned to be alone, as if he thought he deserved it. Luke would not let Jess thinking that. He wouldn't drop him.

-Jess, listen to me.

Jess was staring at his knees.

-Jess, I won't let you down, believe me. And I'm not here because I feel obliged, Jess. I'm here because ... Because I'll always be there for you, whatever happens.  
-But you ...  
-Jess ...  
And then, Luke ventured again to put his hand on Jess' shoulder.  
-You are not alone Jess, believe me. You're not alone.

And then, Jess just broke down. He blinked a couple of time to try to hold back the tears  
He remembered he had cryed when Lorelai had found him, and now, it was happening again. He wondered briefly when he became so weak. He gripped the sheets in his hands to stop shaking, in vain. He gritted his teeth but it didn't work. He felt Luke's hand on his shoulder, trying to appease. He felt so small, so weak. He couldn't bear the compassion in Luke's look. It was too hard. He wanted him to go. No, to stay. No, to go. No. He didn't know. He couldn't feel anything but the unbearable pain. He felt the tears running down his cheeks and Luke wrapping his arms aroud him, pulling him. He tried to break free but he failed. It just emphasized frustration, his feeling of being weak and not able to defend themselves. Then he heard the voice of Luke and he stopped to fight. He put his head on his uncle's shoulder and he felt safe again. He wanted it to last forever. He didn't want to disappear. He wanted Luke to look after him. That was all he wanted. But he knew that it wouldn't last. He had done too much damage before. He would be alone again. He deserved it. This thought just made him sob much more his uncle's arms.

-Sshh. It'll be fine Jess. Just fine. Everything'l be okay. You're not alone. We'l fix it together. You'll see.

But if he wasn't alone, then why was Jess feeling so far away from the rest of the world?

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Still short, sorry ^_^

the next chapter's coming around saturday.


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